[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oh yeah♪
♪ Who do you call when you Want some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on♪
♪ They're stamping out crime♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ That's right! A heck of a fighter♪
♪ Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ That's me! Of going into battle♪
♪ When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets down down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad♪
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt♪
♪ Step on their tails Get off my tail♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt Don't hurt me♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town♪
♪ Three, two, one The Pizza Cats are on the run♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird and some nasty Ninja Crows♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back Pick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effects♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie Hahaha♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
[narrator] Little Tokyo has been hit with an epidemic,
whose symptoms include shortness of breath,
flushed cheeks, and high pitched squeals.
It's an incurable fever known as Pizza Cat Mania.
Yes, our four-legged friends are suddenly blessed
at all over the fair magazines.
The fact that they're in Japanese seems to deter no-one.
Everybody wants to find out all they can
about these new cats on the block.
[seller] It tells it all, the most intimate secrets
of your most favorite felines right here.
Find out what Speedy had for breakfast,
why Guido often pretends he's a bird
when he's taking a shower,
there's pictures of that.
And why Polly could never love a man
who isn't kind to jabbering.
Come on, get 'em while they're hot!
-[customer] I'll take one. -No, pick me, pick me.
That's right, be the first on your block, or the second,
or the 50th, it doesn't really matter, does it,
you mindless little sheep?
In my day, it was Garfield, or Felix the Cat, real heroes.
[customer] Speedy, you're mine.
I wore his top, you midget.
Wake up, why would a cool guy like him
want an albino beanpole like you? Give it back!
-You midget! -Beanpole!
Young people can get quite emotional
about their heroes and role models.
Such behavior is very immature of course,
but, when you consider how righteous and downright groovy
the Pizza Cats are, I get a little excited myself.
[narrator] As the real Speedy shyly looks on,
he's filled with a profound sense of humility.
Eat your hearts out, you Ninja Turtles.[laughs]
-[girl screams] -[gasps]
-Look over there, girls. -It's him, it's him!
Huh? Come now, control yourselves, girls.
Wouldn't want anyone getting hurt.
-[Speedy] Oh no! -[girls screaming]
-There's a Speedy for sale. -[screaming continues]
[narrator] Meanwhile, the Big Cheese is displeased.
[growls] Displeased? That's the understatement of the year.
[Bad Bird] This is interesting stuff about what Speedy
eats for breakfast.
And look at this, for only a week's salary,
I could get an auto cap picture of Polly cleaning her fur.
Ah, shut up!
We've only been able to sell three pictures of me.
And I had to buy two of them myself.
I don't know who bought the third.
Most likely, it was some kind of idiot.
[Bad Bird clears throat] Yes, most likely.
[Big Cheese] I just don't understand
how can those flea-bitten fur bags be so popular,
it just isn't fair.
[Bad Bird] Now don't go getting your whiskers
in a twist, master, you're not forgotten.
Look, there's an article about you here.
Huh? Yeah?
What does it say?
It's called, The Raptor We Love to Hate,
and it says you're universally detested--
[gasps] Oh no, no, that's not it, er,
here, his morals are as rotten as his breath--
Oh no, no, no! Wait a second, um...
[straining]
Hold on, they must've written something good
about you here somewhere.
Um, let me see.
[growling]
So I'm rotten, am I? Detested, am I?
Well, not for long.
[panting]
Those unrightful little pests will learn to love me,
or they will be destroyed.
[Bad Bird] With a choice like that, how can they resist?
[narrator] Later, May Down spots a disturbing development.
I wish those sight-seeing boats would keep away from my wharf.
What? Bad Bird?
What's that crooked crow up to?
Huh, how do you focus this thing?
Well then, are we free from any prying eyes?
All clear, boss, you can let the rat out the bag now.
[laughs]
Before I'm through, I'll be even more popular than Madonna,
and twice as respected.
I'll start by improving my image a bit.
Personally, I think I'm absolutely irresistible.
I don't think it'll be too difficult getting the rest
of Little Tokyo to agree, do you?
Hm-hm.
Brrr, brrr.
You can't miss.
[narrator] Well, there are some that are born by the fame game.
[sighs]
I don't know how people let themselves get caught up in all
this nonsense.
Lucille, don't tell me you wouldn't want to hang
that picture of me in your bedroom?
She'd like to sleep with mine, nitwit, and how's she gonna do
that with your ugly puss staring down at her?
Now my picture's a different story.
Yeah, she could use yours for a doormat.
[growls]
Do you really think I care about superficial things like that?
Oh no, Lucille, I know you're really sensitive and deep,
and you watch public television.
You need someone who appreciates
the same things you do.
Yeah, you're probably right on.
The cat I love will appreciate the simple things in life.
He'd rather have a picnic with me,
than rush off to save the world.
Rather than battling evil monsters,
he'll prefer sitting in the park and holding hands.
And maybe after we've known each other a while,
he'll move very close and... [gasps]
Oh, this is so embarrassing.
[explosion]
[Speedy] You never know, Lucille,
there's some lucky guy out there with a lot to look forward to.
Oh.
Speedy, what are you doing up there?
[Polly] That's funny, I thought you were off the wall.
Yeah, real funny alright.
Well, you'd better peel yourself off.
Big Al's on the phone and he sounds upset.
[Big Al] The Big Cheese is up to no good.
I've got nothing in particular to go on, except a hunch
and the fact that it's at a loose time in the show
that he usually gets up to no good,
so get out there and stop him.
[all together] You got it!
Hit the ovens, everybody!
Wallies.
Values.
Pisckapebble.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need 'em, just call♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way♪
♪ Hahaha Oh I love those cats♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ The heroes Who always wear fur♪
♪ Hahaha♪
[Francine] Coordinates, check, wind velocity, check.
All systems go and ready for lunch.
Oh, you mean you're ready for launch, right, Francine?
No, you're ready for launch,
I'm ready for lunch, I'm starving
-Oh, what about us? -Sorry.
Attention all citizens, the young and the old,
we're going to blast off now, so do as you're told.
Get behind the white line and cover your heads.
If you're at home, make it under your beds.
Once again, we thank you for your support.
Kaboom!
[explosion]
Kaping.
Kapowee.
[lively music]
Well, Leerom, what do you think?
Will the Pizza Cats let all the popularity go to their heads?
Oh, I doubt it, son, anybody who lets themselves be shot out
of that thing doesn't have a head.
[narrator] As the trio of titanic tallies
flies into action, we quickly go across town
where the Big Cheese is rubbing elbows with his fellow citizens.
Morning riff-raff, hello drab colorless underlings.
I've got to make myself a hero to this ignorant pions.
One, two, three, oh!
A tragedy in the making,
but for the Big Cheese, there's a different view.
What a perfect set up, I'll save you.
-Watch out! -You better watch out, mister.
You idiot, why did you cross at the crosswalk?
[shop owner] Help! His pockets, stop him.
Hm?
Wow, that was some pocket.
I think I'll send that crook up fan ladder.
[grunts]
Whoa!
[gasps]
Oh no, what have I done?
Wait a second.
Even better.
[grunts] There you go, Madame Rufie,
-I've got these gurdas. -Girdles? I should say not,
I find your offer extremely impertinent, young man.
Don't go making faces, you can't frighten me,
rat-raced little pervert the streets are full of.
[groaning] [grunts]
This hero stuff's getting to be a great, big pain
in the neck.
Hey, get me out of here!
[narrator] But like bad seafood,
you can't keep the Big Cheese down.
Moments later, we find him scheming
with his heinous henchmen.
Might they be henching another plot of indescribable evil?
Yeah, they might.
[narrator] Then, thank goodness, health is on the way.
Where is that rotten rogue?
We gotta find them, this story's starting to drag.
[gasps] [screams]
That must be him now.
Look, look, something's coming.
[Speedy] Yeah, and I don't think it's the Well's fun go wagon.
[Polly] Could it be some pungent, horrible monster?
Even worse, it's a commercial.
[narrator] Little Tokyo is under attack.
From out of a cloud of dust,
appears a huge mechanical monster,
that has a strong resemblance to our favorite crooked crow.
[shouts] Quick, throw it some bird seed.
[action music]
[screaming]
[narrator] But look inside the rampaging rover,
ethereal Bad Bird's feathered friends for rude noise.
Study these faces carefully, children, if one of them
should come up to you on the street, and offer you candy,
well, that means that you're confusing
cartoons with real life, and you're obviously
watching too much television.
That's it, boys, keep it up, smash 'em, make 'em squirm,
just a little while longer.
Then yours truly will come to their rescue
in the nick of time. [laughs] I'll have the sweaty neck swine
groveling at my feet before the day is out.
[woman shouts] Run for your life!
It's crushing the police station.
[crowd member] It's smashing the hospital!
[girl screams] It's jaywalking!
Is there no end to the creature's depravity?
[chuckling]
[robot] Citizens of Little Tokyo,
prepare to meet your doom.
Nothing, nothing can save you now.
Do you hear, nothing at all, not even anything.
[shouts] Short nothing!
[indistinct]
-[whistle blows] You! -[laughing] Yes, it's me.
A little heroic fanfare, maestro, if you will.
[dramatic music]
Start saying your prayers, robot,
for I come to send you back to the junk pile.
[crowd] Huh? Huh?
[Big Cheese] Fellow citizens, you have nothing to fear
from this demonic dustbin.
He's no match for my super robot, known as Righteous Fred.
[crowd gasps]
[shuddering]
[crowd cheers]
[electronic buzzing]
[Big Cheese] I can see by the puzzled looks
on your ignorant faces, that it's time I exposed myself.
Viola!
Gee, how anti-climatic.
For a moment, I thought it might be Elvis.
Yeah, well, listen it's been fun, Big Cheese,
but I gotta go water my terrarium.
-Yeah, me too. -Me too.
Geez, can you believe that jerk?
[narrator] In the blink of an eye, the crowd is gone.
[Big Cheese] They're worse than Chicago Cubs' fans.
Hey, do you want me to save you or not?
-[crowd laughing] -Huh? I don't see what's
so funny about it.
[citizen] Ha, a cheesy little cheddar eater like you,
trying to pass yourself off as a hero. Now that's funny.
[Guido] Yeah, it's a scream, [indistinct] an absolute scream.
And when we get through with you, you'll be screaming too.
It's been months since we had a laugh like this.
For that, you deserve a great big kiss.
Okay, okay, you guys, enough of the rhyming couplets.
Let's pound the little puggle.
[all shout] Samurai Pizza Cats!
[grunting] What's the big idea butting in,
I was just about to save everybody.
Looks like everybody saved you the trouble
of having to save 'em, doesn't it?
[growling]
[shouts] Get them, you idiots!
Prepare to meet your doom, Pizza Cats,
nothing can save you now.
Nothing, do you hear, I really mean it this time.
[all gasp] Lightening!
[Big Cheese] Bang.
-I'll take over. -[screams]
I can't be a hero, hey, well, if you can't join 'em, beat 'em!
[teasing]
[Polly] Over here.
[Big Cheese] You finished, you cowardly, creep drinkers?
Did I mention that nothing can save you now?
[Big Cheese] Wait, I'll get them.
Ha, there it lies.
[Speedy screams] Split ends, yuk!
[Big Cheese] Don't you just love playing cat and mouse? [laughs]
Only this time the roles are reversed.
[grunting]
[electronic zap]
[narrator] Just when things looked darkest
for our helpless heroes,
Speedy sends a secret signal that flashes
across time and space.
[action music]
[electronic zap]
[shuddering]
[roars]
[blasting]
[Big Cheese] Now you fools, I'll hold them while you chop
-them into [indistinct] bits. -What, huh?
[creaking] [electronic pop]
[lively music]
[cats screaming]
[grunt] Much obliged.
[screaming] [laughing]
Ready.
Yeah!
[Speedy] Then let's get into our propulsion pod.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way♪
♪ Hahaha♪
♪ Oh I love those cats♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ The heroes who Always wear fur♪
♪ Hahaha♪
♪ Oh I think I want a fur ball♪
[narrator] And if that weren't enough,
the ninja universe turns itself into a handy dandy,
and very chic little power band,
look into it, it's a dance.
No way, I've seen more impressive things on He-man
and he hardly wears anything.
Go on, boys, smash 'em to pieces.
[narrator] Not so fast, Big Cheese,
because the Pizza Cats aren't the only ones undergoing
a total fashion makeover.
There's a bling catatonic changing his whole look too.
[electronic meow]
[Big Cheese] Are we about done with the fashion show now?
-[Speedy] Nice thread. -[Catatonic] Yeah, well,
you can never go wrong with basic black.
It's an unusual look, but you've really pulled it off,
Supreme Catatonic.
He's as good looking as Garfield.
[Speedy screams] Help me, what's going on?
Stop him, what are you doing?
[Polly] You're better looking than Garfield.
Guido, you got the wrong guy, you supposed to get that.
[screams]
Polly, Guido, what's happening to you guys? Wait for me.
[grunts]
Hey, how am I supposed to get in? You got a kitty door
around here somewhere?
Okay, okay, we're here,
you couldn't have just asked us politely?
Huh?
Looks like he wants us to sit this one out.
No, Guido, I think he wants us to take the controls.
Oh, well, that's different.
[gasps] We'd better get cracking.
Look, those creeps are closing in.
[Big Cheese] Well, what are you waiting for?
Syndication? Attack!
What are you doing? Can't you see you're through?
You new around here.
Maybe you don't know that nothing can save you.
[grunts]
[grunting]
You're up for [indistinct] you're up for cod,
what's wrong with ya?
[explosion]
[thud]
Those bloodthirsty, butchering buzzards,
I'll have their guts for garters.
Gee, Polly.
If she takes over, she's kinda sexy.
[Polly] Okay, my feathered friend,
it's time to carve the turkey.
Well, I'd appreciate it if somebody gives me a hand.
Ruined, birds, I see she's gonna kill us.
Head for the hills!
Yes, Speedy, leave those leaving things to me.
Hey, you're free, run for your lives!
Stand and fight, you gutless wonders, stop,
where are you going?
Yeah, the fun's just about to begin.
[narrator] This sudden explosion of flashy, special effects
- can only be one thing, it's-- -Party time!
[narrator] The Ginzo sword cuts the Cheese once again.
Oh, right, I'd say so.
[explosion]
[screaming]
I've got such a nasty headache, I need some aspirin.
Who ever said violence never solved anything?
Was it a Pizza Cat?
[narrator] Throw it out, Speedy, but will there ever come a day
when the Samurai Pizza Cats no longer need their battle armor.
Will pride and villainy ever be vanquished once and for all?
Will pigs ever have wings?
Will Monica finally say I do, to a long-suffering Sven?
Tune in next time when these and other vital questions
will remain unanswered.
-On the next-- -Pizza Cats!
[narrator] In an effort to cast chaos on Little Tokyo,
Big Cheese circulates a photograph of someone
who looks remarkably like Emperor Fred,
and questions whether or not, the Emperor
is really who he says he is.
Alarmed by the photo,
Big Aldente calls on the Pizza Cats to fly off
to a distant city and ferret out the truth.
They must find a woman who was present
at the birth of the Emperor, for she's the only one
who can clear up controversy.
They arrive to find Bad Bird trying to silence
the very woman our heroes seek.
[all yelling]
But as the battle heats up, the Ninja Crows pull out
a secret weapon so diabolical, they can't even see it.
[all panting]
Will Big Cheese succeed in discrediting the Emperor,
causing chaos and panic throughout the fair city?
Will the Emperor be forced to pick potatoes
for the rest of his life?
Will the Pizza Cats be doomed to a life of chasing rubber mice
and scratching furniture?
Find out the answer to these earth-shattering questions in:
The Case of the Bogus Billionaire,
on the next Samurai Pizza Cats.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath:
The Pizza Cats are Samurai,
and I'd like to note
their antics take your breath away,
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So, hail to these ole Pizza Cats,
please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
we know you'll fight like--
Pizza Cats.
[lively music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hoped you liked the show ♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show♪
♪ Hahaha♪
♪ Oh gosh♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes♪
♪ All over town Hahaha♪
♪ Of all you have O yeah♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight, why do we expectorate♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ Read all the credits so you'll Know who did the work♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Hahaha♪